Secrets and lies. Tilf examines bad form.

I am going to spread an important secret. It seems that this secret, despite being handed down from generation to generation, has not been taught properly, as no-one seems to know it.

I will tell you all that very important secret now.

It was granted to me by my mother, who was told by her mother, who learned it from her mother, and so on. It does appear that this secret is handed more to girls than boys, so all you men out there, pay attention. You were supposed to learn the secret too, but sadly it appears that a lot of you were not told it, and generations have suffered because of it. And suffered greatly.

There are several secrets that everybody knows; the second star on the right leads to Neverland, the best way to test eggs is put them in cold water, (if they float, they’re bad), secret escapes is the worst kept secret in luxury travel, apparently.

Other secrets are less obvious, and better kept; The horseman’s word, guaranteed to stop any horse in it’s tracks, but Terry Pratchett tells it better, go read some of his books, you’ll thank me later. The only way to catch a rabbit is be more rabbity than it. See, secrets considered unimportant until you’re starving in a field full of rabbits while being chased by a horny stallion. And looking for a cheaper holiday to expensive places, while choosing a book. With eggs.

Yet there are other secrets, much better kept. Kept hidden for centuries; the real location of Avalon, the truth behind where models keep their brains, how Jordan keeps landing on her feet (seriously, she’s got to stumble some time). More secrets are never told to those they concern, for example it’s a great secret that Prince Phillip dying is one of the signs of the apocolypse (I like the royals, but there’s something weird there). Then there are the painful secrets that people can’t share, through fear, shame or guilt. The secrets that eat them alive day in, day out. Until eventually they snap. I truly believe that Jack the Ripper was just not given the My Li’l Surgeon kit he really wanted and was promised the Christmas of 1887.

Explains a lot suddenly, doesn’t it?

But those snapping moments can happen to those who are lied to too much, or in fact, at all. A peaceful mother told day after day that “Bigger boys made me do it” or ” I wasn’t fighting, the teachers are picking on me” can suddenly let loose years of rage and pain. Pain that the lies were there at all, that her child, her flesh and blood that she’d fight a bear for, felt the need to lie. I understand that there are times when lies are needed. “No love, you look fine, and we have to go, the party started and hour ago” and “The dog did it”.

But I will tell you this great secret, this universal truth that has been known since we crawled out the primordial muck and chose to stand on back flippers. Or if you prefer, since a huge bearded guy in a toga said “I’m bored, lets create”. But this truth, this vast secret has been steadily forgotten, or just plain ignored over the years, for reasons those those who ignore it justify to themselves or others. Until they truly believe that they’re right. They’re not.

The secret, this great life changer, I shall reveal now.

No truth is so bad, that a lie is better.

There. That’s the secret. I have just handed you the answer to one of lifes great mysteries. Easy, isn’t it?

Never forget, everything you lie about, you must remember it, and every memory you have is tainted by who you lied to. Tell them the truth, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done, they might not like you very much, and they may not forgive you, but that’s unlikely. Just fess up, now, before it’s too late.


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