Bob, Che, Uri and god.Tilf tries to understand communism and spoon bending beliefs.

How often do you look at things and try to see them from a completely different angle?

You should, it’s hours of fun. Sometimes!

Here’s an example, the English language. May I present to you Ghoti.
Pronounced Goat-ee. It’s fish. Not a fish. Actually fish. Because of the way our language works.

I’ll break it down for you. Enough. Trough. In both those words, and many others, the ‘gh’ is pronounced ‘f’. Women. In this case the ‘o’ is pronounced more as ‘i’. And Motion. Friction. Education. The ‘ti’ is said ‘sh’. This means because of our language, ghoti can be said as fish.

Which explains why no one wants to learn English. It’s complicated as hell.

But only if you let it be.

There’s an advert on at the moment, that shows a family on a walk through the woods, playing ‘eye spy’ as they go. The little boy says “I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with T.” And his family start guessing randomly along the lines of ‘trees’, ‘teddy’, ‘twigs’ etc. Eventually the daughter pushes her bike through a gate and says “wait, is it track?” then the screen goes black, in time to a train horn blaring.

The idea of this advert is that you should pay attention to trains and train tracks, not all tracks have a fence and you should be horribly careful when crossing them.

I don’t see it this way. I look at it from another direction. What I see is an older daughter and a younger son, the son has seen the train and knows the track is around, then he calmly watches as his older sister pushes her bike onto the track and gets hit by a train.

I don’t think, “oh dear, terrible accident.” I think “Oh, gods, was that boy really filled with that much sibling rivalry that he led his sister to get hit by a train? What an evil bastard. Surely this should be an advert for family pyschotherapy.”

But it can be fun, not just sinister to look at things different. Ghoti is just one example. But remembering to look at it properly is just as important. Take Bob and Che for small examples.

Bob Marley wrote some of the worlds greatest lyrics regarding love, faith, acceptance and living in peace. He stood tall when others wouldn’t, he stood proud when others hid. He took all that happened in his stride and will be remembered fondly by a lot of people. But, and it’s a big but, a good number of his fans remember him only for smoking pot. In fairness it’s because they’re teenagers and other forms of social idiocy experimentation, and they have much to learn. Che Guevara, or Ernesto, as he should be called. He is internationally loved and reviled. His face, or rather that famous picture, taken by Alberto Korda is one of the most recognisable images in the world. But it only ever seems to be worn by people who don’t understand that by simply trying to advertise what they think they believe, they’re standing against everything he stood for.

I like telling these kids “support communism by endorsing capitalism” and watching their little faces screw up in confusion. Or better, go on to tell them “communism is dead and so are all of it’s leaders”. That really upsets them, they start arguing that communism isn’t dead, and I have to patiently explain that surely by it’s own ethos communism shouldn’t have leaders. And then ask them to explain why people resorted to cannabalising their own children in Russia if communism is so successful. That’s normally the point I leave, generally whistling or grinning at their massive confusion.

On a side note, Alberto wasn’t paid for the royalties on that picture, I wonder if his family ever imagines how set they, their children, their childrens, children and their childrens, childrens, children would be had have been had he been paid.

But that’s the thing, looking at things different doesn’t always give you a different answer, but it will always give you a new perspective, a new shine on an old idea. And that’s always worth its weight in gold.

Whatever your social, religious or whatever else beliefs are, the simple fact is that we are all human. Some are in huge houses, some are in cardboard boxes. Some a tall or fat, some are short or thin. Some have dark skin, some have light. But I’m fairly certain that we all have much the same organs inside, I’m definitely certain we all bleed red, and I’m pretty certain we call cry the same tears. For joy, pain, sadness or mania, we’re all built the same, by the same creator. Nature, God, Gaia, Allah, Buddha, the stork, whatever. Your god or your creator made you the way you are for a reason, or maybe she/he/it/they didn’t. Maybe we just appeared, maybe it’s true that everytime we blink the universe is destroyed and rebuilt. Maybe in that time another person appears. Maybe all those sex ed films they make us watch in school are just an excuse for teachers to watch bad porn once a year.

I have a theory on that. Uri Gellar, internationally famous spoon bender. He bends spoons with his mind. But, what if he doesn’t?

Look at it from a Tilf perspective, I don’t think Uri can bend spoons with his mind. But I do think he can control time, but only for 3.7 seconds. So, picture it this way, he doesn’t bend spoons mentally, he stops time, bends the spoon a little before time starts again, then does it again and again until the spoon is bent, and ta-da, everyone is amazed.

It’s like stop motion animation, except we’re the characters in a massive Uri Gellar film. Maybe that means Uri is technically god.

I mean, who really is going to be impressed by someone who can stop tine for 3.7 seconds? Nobody, that’s who.

But someone who can bend spoons with his mind? In the 80’s when this was new and exciting? When spirituality was suffering a revival of epic proportions? Wow. Just wow. And a god too? Amazing.

So, that being said, I’m off to bend my will to packing boxes or at least working.


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