I’m British, so I feel the need to do certain things. I drink tea, I hate the weather, I like wildlife. And I complain. A lot.
You may have noticed.
Recently it was decided that all the cattle in this country were going to be killed by a vile, distorted version of tuberculosis carried by badgers. Can you picture it? Vicious, stripe headed brutes, thuggishly roaming the countryside, carrying disease and knives, leaping on unsuspecting cows.
Not to be confused with foxes, of course, who are not only thuggish and violent, they also want to change your laws and make your pets feral.
Anyway, it was decided that the only way to stop cows dying, (apart from stop eating them), and to stop people suddenly catching a disease that has been eradicated in this country for quite some time, thanks to vaccinations, was to kill all badgers. A half hearted non-vote was held, to decide which was better, vaccination or death, for our little striped friends.
Vaccination is about £400-600 per badger, but shooting them is about £1000-4000. Also, when a badger is shot amongst others, the others will scatter, or if said shot badger can drag itself home, the others will scatter. This means, if one of the fleeing badgers has TB, it will take it with it, wherever it goes. So the choice was obvious.
Obviously, with cost and consequence, it apparently made more sense to shoot the badgers.
There’s a flaw in governmental logic there, but that’s always been the case. So, after a cost of millions to the tax-payer, and a lot of time, the badger cull was deemed a terrible failure. I was always taught that a cull happened to keep a species in check, like the deer in parks and rabbits everywhere. And those badgers, storming over the country, threatening old ladies, leaving rubbish everywhere, attacking ancient monuments and general arsehole behaviour, oh, no, wait, silly me.
Anyway, people were in uproar about this, it was expensive and barbaric, and it didn’t even work, so no one could claim that it was a means to an ends, and all panned out in the end.
Suddenly, as the newspapers show, so much worse, people are dying, infected by TB from their pets, brought in from badgers. Only badgers could have done it. Curse those striped national animals, of this country. But, again, another flaw. A girl was infected by her kitten. Apparently.
A full grown cat would be hard pressed to survive an encounter with a badger, a kitten doesn’t stand a chance. Seriously, a jellyfish in a blast furnace has more chance. So this girl owns superkitten, sworn to protect the innocent and punish the wicked. How lucky is she?
Maybe it’s just me, but that seems a little coincidental. The country is in uproar over the failed badger control, it cost too much and didn’t work. Suddenly, these badgers, who, it couldn’t be proved were infecting cattle, are a danger to your children, your pets and even your bank account. The bastards. Maybe I’m just paranoid.
Well, yes, I am paranoid, but even the most sane person has to be a little suspicious of that.
It seems very much like when foxes were getting too common, too used to people and too tame. They suddenly got it into their head to attack children. The fox attacks, by the way, suddenly stopped when A) the numbers were lower and B) when someone raised the question of bringing back the fox hunt. What a surprise.
Either I’m paranoid, the government is staffed entirely by a bunch of pointless bastards who are criminal in everything they do, or nature has gotten the right arse with people.
And I know that all of those are potentially true. What do you think?