Krokodil, Russia and other reasons to change the planet we live on. Mr Trick looks at a drug craze.

Right, sometimes drug addicts are pitiable. Rarely, but sometimes. Krokodil addicts, however, are morons of the highest and most ridiculous nature. I don’t pity them, I pity their fellow competitors for a Darwin award.

Krokodil is a new drug, originally manufactured in Russia. We’ve discussed that place before, remember? A snow locked place covered in rabid bears, haunted woods and constant below freezing temperatures, all topped off with a lunatic leader who runs through the middle, shirtless and riding said bears. Remember? Anyway, Russia just took a big step towards whole new level of what-the-fuckery with its new craze that’s swept the land like leprosy over an 18th century peasant. With much the same results.

Here’s some important facts about Krokodil. Its main ingredients include codeine, petrol, hydrochloric acid and phosphorus. Let’s look at those, shall we? Codeine is an anti-inflammatory pain killer, petrol makes your car go brum, hydrochloric acid is one of the most powerful acids known to man. It dissolves bone. And metal. And pretty much everything else it comes into contact with. Phosphorus has been banned for use in war. Let’s get this straight. War, in which the winner is decided by who has the most players at the end. People who need to kill as many people as possible, as quickly as possible banned the use of phosphorus. Because it’s too horrible. So someone decided to put this into an injected drug. What complete fuck-tard decided that was a good idea? “I know, I’ll take a highly powerful acid, a chemical that dissolves pretty much everything, and combine it with another chemical that destroys pretty much everything else, then mix those with some other stuff, and inject them straight into my veins.”

Seriously? I mean, really. What the hell?

I’ll tell you. It’s cheaper than heroin and easier to produce. The survival rating for heroin addicts is between 5-7 years. The survival rating for Krokodil addicts is a maximum of 2 years. Two. I’ll let that sink in. Some advanced stage cancer sufferers have a better survival time. That’s 730 days. It can take longer than that to make really good country cider. I’m talking really in-depth good cider. The kind you have to freeze several times, leave it to gain some sentience then never drink it on its own.

But there’s an upside here. A big one. We’ve spoken of Darwin awards before. A Darwin award is awarded to people who remove themselves and their idiocy from the gene pool, thereby making humans smarter, in such spectacular fashion that you can’t help but sit down and gape.
These people are willingly injecting themselves with a drug so violent that someone diagnosed with AIDs at the same time they take their first hit has a longer survival time. This means they’re not breeding. Hopefully.

These new competitors for the greatest/worst Darwin awards are injecting themselves with a drug that is named for its chemical behaviour.
When it’s first injected, it leaves a cigarette burn sized blister, this blister spreads. It then turns into a spreading patch of crocodile-like scales and roughness. That’s the last warning sign. After that beautiful look that would have Steve Irwins family chasing them down, trying to stick their collective thumbs up various arseholes, the skin falls off.

Now, I don’t mean it becomes a bit patchy and sore. I mean IT FALLS OFF. All of it, right down to the bone. And these people keep injecting it. I had found a range of images that show a Krokodil addict with what’s left of her leg in a bucket. It shows up to her knee in patchy, sore looking flesh, then two bones. When you look closer, you can see her foot. She has a foot and basically no leg. Even Dali didn’t try something like that. Bosch probably did.

But, upsides are upsides, idiots are using it, idiots are melting themselves like chocolate on a hot day. Marvellous, the world will slowly become collectives smarter, in theory. Russia will become a little less populated and Siberia will eventually become prime location to build. Probably a new Disney world or something.


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