Let me sit on your face at Christmas! Tilf has a rant at a new stupid ruling.

Of all the things I look forward to in a year, Summer and Hogswatch, or Christmas, pretty much take the biscuit. But holidays of any kind are always fun. And you really don’t realise how much you appreciate them until you have to spend all your time around people.

There was a film once that made the most appropriate statement about people I have ever heard. “A person is smart, people are dumb, panicky creatures.” That is the simple problem with people, if you put one person in a room with no exit, that person will, more often than not, have a little panic, then try to work their own way out. They have an occasional panic, but they will eventually work out a plan of escape. People, however, when locked in a room together, will more often than not, turn on each other, try to work out each others weak points and how to use them to their advantage. They will panic and attack, causing more drama and pain than is strictly necessary. All because the simple structure of human nature tells them that not only must they survive, they must be the one who survives at all costs, standing atop a literal, or metaphorical, pile of corpses.

When the witch trials began, they tended to be run almost entirely by men, and tended to attack older women. Because the old women knew the secrets, they knew which baby belonged to which father and the men couldn’t have people like that running round loose. Thus, panic ensued, and the creation of one of the most hideous weapons ever made, in the history of war on people. Fear. And the bladeless knife of course. Witchfinder General Matthew Hopkins was the greatest witchfinder of his time, wherever he said there was a witch, a witch was found. Until one day he was disgraced, run out of town and had to pull something major out of his arse, and that he did. He created the knife we use as a toy at Halloween, an empty handle with a spring-mounted blade that retracted into said handle, armed with his new device he declared that an old woman was a witch, and could prove it. He chose the standard way of proof, that if she was a witch, the devil wouldn’t let her be harmed. With that, he stabbed her, and to the horror and amazement of all watching, the blade went into her body and was pulled out again, leaving not one mark.

With this new weapon, and the fear it spread, he shot straight back to the top of the law, and stayed, until he was disgraced again, and thankfully died a long painful death of syphilis, alone and penniless. So Karma was around, even then. But the fear remained, and spread. People can be controlled with fear, most things can, and once you have the people controlled, you can start really screwing with them, and their freedoms.

My latest box of rage has been smashed open by yet another ruling. One that hasn’t even got the common decency to pretend it’s there for our safety. Some of the new legislations I could understand, certain rules of snooping, and it is snooping, after 9/11, some extra cameras, and due to some of those cameras being where they were has either saved lives or made wriggling off a charge impossible. But a new rule has made me so angry I’m spitting feathers. I’m stamping across every discussion possible. I have only stopped getting furious for long enough to rant at people about being grateful to see another Christmas with their family, many haven’t even got that going for them.

The ban of face-sitting.
Oh, yeah, they’ve done it. The Tories in the UK have decided that women are no longer allowed to do one of the basest, most popular scenes in any porn movie ever seen. The base idea of porn is that two, or sometimes more or less, actors are paid to take part in the oldest vocation in the world. Apart from murder for money, of course. One of the oldest, most well known things in porn, an adult thing, is The Money-Shot. A crass, but accurate, term for the moment of finish, as it were. Normally seen somewhere near the end of two person, or the middle of three person, film, it’s the scene where either the man/men ‘finish’ on the woman’s face or chest and she either licks it off or smears it on him, and all is right with the world. This progressed into a switch money-shot, where the woman sits on the mans face, he goes to town and she orgasms onto his face or chest. Some people say this is most men’s dream, a woman who not only enjoys sex, but gets involved, who (despite popular belief that it doesn’t exist) orgasms in a loud, real and liquid way. By the way, the female orgasm does exist, people who say it doesn’t haven’t been doing it right!

But now a new rule has been made, one that says a woman can no longer do this. I’m going to tell you a very important rule about porn. Pornography, of all kinds, is an adult concept. It is made by adults, for adults. It features consenting adults, many of whom would do porn for free, they enjoy it so much. The sex is great, the money is an added bonus. These are paid, consenting, adult actors. They are paid to have sex and the modern porn industry is a lot different. There are rules that prevent over-work, damage, unfair behaviour and anything that would make anyone participating feel uncomfortable. The new ruling says that a guy can finish wherever he likes, and she can do whatever she likes with it, wipe it in her hair, lick it off or smear it back on him. She used to be able to sit astride her co-actors face, then scream her way into a possible award, then either one or both of them could lick or smear her liquid results wherever they liked. Now, they can’t, apparently it’s demeaning. But this is the worst ruling they could have come up with. It was a joyous day when porn actresses were classified as equal to their male co-actors, now they have been slammed back 50 years into the world where women don’t orgasm and don’t enjoy sex and aren’t supposed to. In this modern world of women enjoying sex and selling films of it, you can buy it, download it or find it in those sad bramble hedges at the end of a field walk.

I enjoy porn, and as an adult I’m allowed to watch it and enjoy it. Surely it should be remembered that if I choose to sit on someone’s face, and we choose to film it, then show it to some misguided, and soon to be traumatised, friends and family, that’s our choice. Important word here: Choice. Something we’re rapidly losing in this world.

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