Plenty of fish, or plenty of fuck ups? Tilf joined internet dating, also first picture.

You know those ideas that seem great? The ones at night that you can’t quite shake and you decide to follow through with them? Yeah, I made one of those decisions. Vodka has a lot to answer for.

As it’s been about 2 years since I’ve been in a relationship, I’ve been lacking in hugs and affection. Add in a generous measure of vodka and you get the result of me joining Plenty Of Fish. Why did I do this? Someone tell me. But, while I’ve encountered a vast range of new people, across a load of ages, careers and places, I’ve learned some things that guys really need to keep in mind, change or keep at.

With that in mind, men, guys, boys, lads, blokes whatever you want to call yourselves or you call each other, I have decided to give you some advice. And I really think it may help you have slightly more successful relationships or some more success with looking for a new relationship.

First, if you’re already in a relationship, don’t look for another. You have one, don’t be greedy.
Second, a piece of advice I was told by a friend, “Any man who shaves his beard for a woman deserves neither”. If you have a beard and you like it, keep it. Ladies, if he already had a beard when you met him, don’t make him shave it off, that’s just rude.

Third, stop with the pushing. If you’re in your 30’s and you’re looking to meet a woman the same sort of age, take into account that she has probably been cheated on at least once, she will be wary. Think of women your age as slightly vicious squirrels: We’re adorable, a little fuzzy round the edges and easily scared. But if you move gently, without sudden moves and give no signs of anger or betrayal, she’s less likely to run off or attack you.

Fourth, you’re not a teenager anymore, we don’t generally want sex just off the bat. Well, some might, but they tend to let you know straight away! Don’t run in with offers of sex, kinky massages or weird fetishes. Pump the brakes, slow it down and chill a bit. Also, if you do just want sex, make sure it’s on your profile or whatever asap. We like knowing what the score is fairly quickly.

Fifth. Don’t put pictures of you and another women as your picture. It makes us wary and potentially jealous, we’re less likely to even bother with the rest of your profile.

Sixth. We’re really not that hard to understand. We either want kids, or we don’t or we haven’t decided, just the same as you. We like our space, we’ve learned to like it, so don’t push us!

Seventh, seriously, most importantly. Just be yourself, have confidence. You may like big/small boobs, tight/wobbly bums, thin/fat women, blondes or brunettes, fake or real. You have tastes and so do we, don’t be offended if we say “sorry luv, you’re a really nice guy, but you’re just not my type.” You must have said it at some point. You feel you deserve something you want, so do we. By 30ish, we’ve normally decided we’re done with being second best, or playing second fiddle to your mates/xbox/playstation/drugs/wardrobe/car, we pretty much know what we want, or most of us do. So do you, so chill down.

Eighth and final note, for everybody. You don’t NEED someone there to complete you. It’s nice, granted, but you are great just as you are. You can want or like someone there as much as you like, but the moment you feel you need them, you start throwing yourself away.

Everybody be cool. You, be cool.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s