Well, it happened. Tilf went on a date. For the first time in over 2 years, she let someone hold her hand, she sat next to someone and she’s the only one who’s scared by it!
Those of you who read this a lot will have met me already, those who haven’t, you have no idea what you’re missing. I’m Trick, I’m the side of Tilf that looks after her. She won’t put herself forward, she doesn’t look after herself and she would rather protect others than let them protect her. I looked through her eyes and met this guy, who is, even by my high standards, actually alright. I’m here to keep her safe, I protect her from as much as I can, and even I like him.
But she can’t tell him she likes him too, because she thinks that leaves her open and vulnerable. She’s terrified of letting him in, but she doesn’t want him to go away either. As you can imagine, this has left her in a little bit of a quandary and I’ve been hanging around since yesterday afternoon.
I know her, obviously, and anyone else who knows her well will see that good signs are there. She’s in a vest today, she’s been listening to Basshunter again (I try not to judge her for this, but it makes her happy!) she’s planning a bungee jump. These are all good signs, and she can’t tell him about any of them! She thinks he’s funny, if a little nervous, hugely kind and a bit of a geek. (This is a good thing!)
He’s hugely complimentary of her, which she understands, but can’t deal with, she doesn’t understand it, so she panics. I’ve been screaming these things at her for years, but they’ve only ever been said to her with a hook attached, so she’s wary. The only fly in her soup is that he’s quite keen on PDAs (Public Displays of Affection, for the uninitiated!) and she’s not. Well, she is. Long story.
She goes for hand holding, occasional back strikes and the odd kiss here and there, but this is a mix of paranoia and her nature. Which is very sexual. The hook to compliments for her are that they’re always followed by demands for sex, which she enjoys, and soon bad treatment, which she doesn’t. But again, she can’t tell him that!
Thank fuck for me!
Anyway, I guess when she finds out I stole her phone and wrote this she’ll be worried. Like normal, but with added panic. Whereas I hope he reads this and knows she likes him too. I try to keep the thought in her head of an old saying: “If she’s easy, she’s not worth it, if she’s worth it, she won’t be easy.” I hope he knows it, for her sake.
Those of you who like someone, be brave. I was, for her, and it seems to have paid off. I can’t be in her head forever, I want a holiday!
Really really likes him.