With the news that Nigel Farage has left UKIP and Boris Johnson has stepped out of the race to be Prime Minister, I present to you the best next choice.
UKIP (United Kingdom Independence Party, for those unsure) got it’s wish: The UK has Brexited Europe. So there’s a good thing, UKIP no longer has a reason to exist. And Boris, for whatever reason, has decided he doesn’t want to be Prime Minister anymore. There are a lot of statements being flung around, stating that the people who wanted to leave Europe are now scattering like cockroaches, leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces.
Well, people, how’s your chance. I invited you to campaign for me to rule this country and have some major repairs made and it didn’t work out, but now you have another chance. Because I’m a forgiving soul like that. I know why you didn’t get me in power, I was the unknown quantity, an untested experiment that could have gone wildly wrong. But in theory the country is now so broken I couldn’t possibly do anything but fix it.
Get me in power, settle the score, an old battle never fought to the end, and trust me when I say I take things to the final edge. I do what I set out to, or I at least find a way to do it. Get me in power and see all your dreams come true.
I know the old adage of beware your dreams, don’t forget nightmares are dreams too, but I promise I’m not a nightmare, I’m the best thing that could happen to this country. And I don’t say that as a boast, I make a simple statement, isn’t that what politicians do?
I won’t do a war-crimes-Blair and take us off to war, I won’t do a Call-me-Dave-Cameron and fine everyone for working. Oh, sorry, raise VAT and starve people out of their homes.
There’s enough of you now, my beautiful readers, scattered around the world. You have the power, make it ours, get me in power and see the world rise.
What’s the worst that could happen?